appreciating my bonnet

I love Jim Elliot's quote, "Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living." I feel like I do this on a daily basis. Well, the opposite of what he says, that is. I let my longing for more time or more rest or better relationships or further wants fog up my perception of what is in the here and now.

I met with Julia last night in the courtyard room and we ate gnocchi with sundried tomatoes and it was wonderful. We had a beautiful conversation circling around several different subjects, but one stuck out to me more then the rest. I was telling her about how I was feeling mildly stressed out with the constant theatre rehearsals for The Crucible and how I felt as if I never had time to just rest and let my mind stretch itself out in preparation for the next thing. So here I am jabbering on about how I wish this could be this way and that one thing is completely unnecessary and she just looks at me and says, "Lauren, I know it's difficult to have such long periods of time booked away. But don't you see? This is your ministry."

I realized right then that I was completely and utterly letting my longing slay my appetite for living. I was looking at my neverending rehersals as a hinderance to possible ministry opportunities and quality time with my friends, but I had never viewed it as a circumstance to grow my relationships with the other actors and focus on some of their needs.

There are so many aspects of life that I simply need to shift my attitude about. And whether that be doing dishes in my room or wearing a bonnet and Puritan costume for the play hardly makes a difference. I want to live my life in the present and take advantage of every opportunity He presents me with. Amazing realizations and mountain-top feelings aren't in His mode...He is certainly capable of them and He does occasionally choose to bless us with them, but it's in the everyday plodding of life that He makes Himself known.