Dust.

Woke up this morning feeling very grateful that the Lord knows how much I am merely dust. Human bodies are so frustrating sometimes. I read Psalm 103 last night: 10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; 14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. 15 The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; 16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. 17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him

At the same time, I read this contrast in Mere Christianity by Clive, and I feel the weight and magic of the combination: "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." Living in the balance between these two is what the battle is all about. Knowing I have the Holy Spirit within me (a power that can level both the force of angels and demons) makes me want to fight harder and strive even more.

When we went to see The Screwtape Letters at the Pantages Theatre downtown, the most affecting line for me in the entire show/book was when Screwtape (the head demon) was writing to his nephew (a less-important demon) about one of the main ways the devil affects humans: "It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out." It is easy for me to get up, make my coffee, and mindlessly drone through work/school/homework/meetings with friends/etc. without giving further thought to the unseen realms all around me.

I want to be bolder, less afraid, more honest with myself and more passionate. I want to pursue after God and be a "woman" after His own heart. I want to take those peaceful moments in the morning and thoroughly search myself and listen for Him instead of wasting time around the house, sitting on Facebook, or watching BBC. This isn't to say that He isn't involved in these things too or that He isn't with me while I write to a friend or watch a man with a British accent cook food outside by a cottage (Els). But I desire the quality, quiet moments. I know this will take more practice. I feel impatient.

Ever processing, Lo

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zoAhKNwnfQ&w=360&h=270]