“It is growing cold. Winter is putting footsteps in the meadow. What whiteness boasts that sun that comes into this wood! ...How coldly burns our sun! One would say its rays of light are shards of snow, one imagines the sun lives upon a snow crested peak on this day. One would say she is a woman who wears a gown of winter frost that blinds the eyes. Helplessness has weakened me.Wandering has wearied my legs.” - Roman Payne
“I am in no mood to fulminate on paper--I wish the two of us were in a room together talking of what matters most, the air thick with affinity. In January a man crawls into a cave of hopelessness; he hallucinates sympathies catching fire. Letters are glaciers, null frigates, trapping us where we are in the moment, unable to carry us on toward truth.” - Carlene Bauer
Lately, I've settled into a dichotomy. Sole solitude beneath my quilt on a quiet, snowy day--the lamplight glowing outside as the sky darkens with cold or sleet. The comforting rush of heat and water in the radiator, it's occasional clank, and my herbal tea, steeping slowly and quietly in the low light on the side table, the leaf and flower properties billowing into the hot water. I've felt alarmingly private lately, and that's always something I want to push back against.
The other side of the spectrum is my delight in the meaningful, intentional conversation of another, mugs of cider in our hands or breakfast on our plates. Cooking dinner with dear friends in the kitchen. Talking future, talking past, and all the things in our hearts that we've kept hidden in fear or haven't talked through yet. I crave depth and beauty and honesty.
I am both of these, and they struggle against each other. There is so much turning in my heart right now that it feels a bit overwhelming but, also, acceptable. So much is coming! So much is moving and changing and growing! I think intentional conversation or the quiet is the best way I can process it and relish in the profundity.
If you feel vague or unfocused, stuck in a January rut, take heart. There are bright things ahead. Keep pressing in.
Some links that foster change and ideas:
Create Your Life Plan. At least read the pdf.
Trying this with Elizabeth and cooking up a storm.
Restless. If you actually do the journaling, it's really affecting.
I started washing my face with this in December, and it's working really well.
How does he always know just what to say??
Do you ever listen to books on tape? I love to when I run or drive. This book is a good one for that.
This Chrome app has already saved me money.
How to carry your bulky Macbook charger + extension cord around.
The best kind of love.
Photo cred: Aisha Yusaf