I am feeling transitioned. I think. I always thought I adapted to change pretty well; in fact, I prefer fresh, new things and finding different ways to go about something originally standard. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand it when people only like vanilla and sit in the same seat in class every day. But I'm not so naive (now) to think that consistency isn't important at all. It's pretty vital.
The last month has been hard and beautiful. It's been so refreshing being back at school and living in my first apartment, but there have been a lot of heavy things too. One of the changes I didn't expect was sleeping bed-less for a month. Els and I moved in with minimal furniture as beds cost money, and we didn't have money. Poor college students at their best. Thanks to sweet sweet friends who have blessed us, however, we both now (as of last night!) have beds and have found free/inexpensive dressers for our room. Beginning to feel settled.
I didn't mind being in transition at first, but then I started feeling restless and having furniture dreams. Literally. I dreamt about people moving hundreds of dressers up and down stairs throughout a wooden house, and I dreamt about moving beds across a two-mile long room in a basement. Everything was still packed up in bags and boxes in our closet because we had nowhere to store anything. Being unsettled for that long freaked me out. God very blatantly used this to reveal areas where I find security apart from Him. I was all hung up on being in the "moving-in" stage, but then I think of Jesus and His life on earth; He rarely had His own place to "lay His head" (Matthew 8:20).
There has been some stability in my life as of late; even though I usually feel like I don't need constancy, I've realized how much I've taken my friends and the stable community they offer for granted. Just feeling blessed. These friendships are something I do look for steadiness in. I do want to be careful, though, not to make them this protected little nook in my head where all joy and safety are found. I've built it up like that, in some ways, and have wandered toward finding my identity there. God is helping me rebuild some of that right now. Different shapes.
Although I flirt with both change and consistency, I am now seeing both as necessary and good, and even more so, am looking forward to heaven someday where both of these elements will look entirely different. Right now, I desire stability in daily living, but the Lord might have other plans. At least He never changes.