aubade |ōˈbäd|: noun. a poem or piece of music appropriate to the dawn or early morning. While this is neither a poem or a piece of music, I thought the title was suitable given the fact that on Mondays, especially those which I have tests on, I wake up at 6am or before. It is very much morning at this time. This happens because class starts at 7:50am, and generally, I want to have the proper amount of time to leisurely stroll through my apartment getting ready before I have to leave. I feel cloudy, but I make my morning thermos of coffee (a couple tablespoons of Bailey's brand Hazelnut cream is the current, favorite add-in flavoring), make my bed in a very casual way, pack my bag, and get to the Billy by 7am. The Billy is what everyone here affectionately calls the Billy Graham Community Life Center. By managing my morning this way, I ordinarily have ample time to sit still for at least a half hour to re-study my notes in preparation for the coming exam.
During such mornings as these, I typically feel unusually awake which makes me feel even more so as if I am walking around in a dream (It is rare that I am up and chipper at an hour of the morning when people still have to use their headlights or the moon is huge and white in a light-blue/pinkish sky). When I do see the moon like this, as I did earlier today in all its lunar glory, it looks very much like a real, live planet to me. Most days it's just a flat, two-dimensional circle that I barely notice, so this makes everything seem otherworldly and like we're all actually floating around in part of the solar system.
The air is always cool and seems to buzz, but I think that's just my imagination. It feels a little lonely this early, so it's comforting to see people at the bus stops on the street and in their cars commuting right along with me to work and school. I eat a banana for breakfast and walk around feeling strange with my backpack loaded and with caffeinated vision/knowledge that my test time has almost arrived.
Afterwards feels like coming down from a run. Endorphins? Maybe. It's a bit warmer out, and I'm beginning to feel more normal. De-stressing or re-stressing? Also maybe. I have just exerted an exorbitant amount of brain activity so that can't be too unusual.
This is where I'm at right now. All of this to say, this post is not really about anything except me realizing that I need to go home after work and spend some time with the Lord and figure out what I'm feeling today, where my identity stands, and all the reasons why I can have joy on a Monday of all days. Test days, early-morning days, Mondays. Can be rough but could be beautiful too. Hoping for this and making an effort to change my attitude.
Thanks for listening.