This is something that is easy for me to do. I was at Ashley's apartment downtown a few days ago, and she gave me tea and shared wisely about how this type of thinking can shadow how you experience life each day. Perusing Facebook, comparing myself to other people, analyzing how people act. A lot of the time, I'm looking at others or way out in the future, trying to decide where I'll live and what I'll do, how I'll spend my time once graduated. In this way, I miss the glorious things right in front of me and build up foolish plans and, often, anxiety over unnecessary thoughts.
This week, Kempton Turner told our school, "If Jesus has taken my hell, how much more will he care for my lesser provisions?" (Clothes, money, house, friends, everything else). So this is where I'm at. I need a Shepherd.
I feel pretty vulnerable explaining all of this. I'm always trying to protect myself or find my own way when that's something He's been waiting to do. Really I am just a blank mess of limbs and stress, walking around like a balloon on a string, without God.
I need what a shepherd would do for his sheep: guidance, calm, safety. Stressing out is way too easy. I need a constantly restored soul (Psalm 23:3). I know it's right there, available to me, and it's up to my willingness/unwillingness to accept it.
In his poem, "A Community of Spirit," Rumi says, "Open your hands if you want to be held."
This is what I'm praying for now.