Have you died yet today?
mumford & sons.
Current favorite: If you haven't already...check them out.
bad day at work.
Today was the day when the angry customer decided to take out her bad day on the cashier girl.
two beautiful works.
somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near.
your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose.
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing.
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands
e. e. cummings
i didn't know it meant so much.
After being in the San Juan, Puerto Rico airport for five hours, I think I love Minneapolis more then any city in the world. Mostly because it's mine. And especially because it's familiar. Our tickets to board the Sun Country plane said we were to board at gate 27. After about two hours of waiting, milling about, sitting on the floor, various bathroom breaks, changing clothes in preparation for Minnesota cold, reading, and sleeping, a voice came over the loudspeaker and announced something indistinguishable.
"What did he say?" we all asked, looking to a group of women sitting next to us on the floor. One woman shrugged. "I don't know, I think something about moving to gate 26."
Confused, we gathered our things and moved toward Gate 26 across a hall and in the next room. As soon as we rounded the corner, we could see the orange and blue Sun Country symbol on a plane outside Gate 28. So where to now? My dad attempted to talk with a man at the desk (the only employee anywhere in sight), but he mainly answered our English questions in Spanish. when he did announce things over the intercom in English, bless his heart, but he had a lisp, and we could not understand anything he was saying. It was ridiculous. (I can say this because I was a lisper myself as a child.)
A few hours later, we got on a plane. Another hour later, we took off. Then we flew six hours.
When we arrived in the cities at 10 PM, I couldn't have been happier. Or felt more at peace when we walked off the plane into a nearly vacant airport. When we were wheeling our bags through the skyway, I felt like hugging the stranger walking towards me, simply because he was from Minnesota. When we walked out the automatic doors in the parking ramp, the air smelled cold and sweet instead of muggy. Things were motionless at last. When we were driving in the taxi, all I could do was stare out the window at the city lights and the straight streets and the clean driving and feel like I was home.
that's why i hold.
And after the storm, I run and run as the rains come and I look up on my knees and out of luck, I look up.
Night has always pushed up day but I won't rot, not this mind and not this heart.
nautical.
Sailing. Return date: to be determined.
midmorning march 2
there is much.
going home with elsie to her place up north in duluth
over spring break, and i couldn't be more excited.
she is such a sweet spirit and my ARD for next year,
so why wouldn't i want to spent gobs of time with her?
wutke has decided she wants to be
an au pair in england this summer. or ireland maybe.
and she actually applied, so i guess i better grab my suitcase
and pack some antique things, fancy lip balms,
and white, down bedding.
this week, physiological psychology is kicking my butt.
work is picking up. everyone and their brother
has a comp 2 paper to go over. which i don't mind,
i actually like editing.
getting into planning our room for next year.
my future roomie amy and i have been
documenting window curtains, shower curtains, and wall art.
speaking of amy,
she's really sick right now.
she threw up 4 times and then passed out in her
bathtub. you should pray for her,
even if you don't know her. thanks.
i only get sick for one evening at a time;
i get a fever, sore throat, tender nodes,
the whole shebang,
and then i'm better by morning.
i have an extremely resilient body i think.
feeling very inclined to start my lit & writing major soon.
having to wait until next semester though.
news flash: i only have four more classes
and i officially have completed my psychology degree.
been very monotonous in my coffee choices lately
and would love some new suggestions.
im needing to revamp my habits.
the Lord has been intricately weaving occurences
together for me lately. it's actually been really unorthodox.
five days until we fly out. feeling a bit caged
and can't wait much longer.
nina stated yesterday: "i wonder where all the lost things go."
this is quite the thought, that i think requires it's own post.
have been contemplating that perhaps every
negative response has a corresponding
reason or wound from the past.
like how you really hate being interrupted,
or how being ignored, even a little,
immediately brings you to tears.
maybe i'm just getting carried away with
psychoanalyzing people who are close to me,
but i think this might be legit.
alright, enough of these short, fragmented sentences;
things are beginning to overlap.
all my love, lo.
contours.
Take a step and come out of the shade, I can tell you're no longer afraid.
i never thought about it like this before.
This is an excerpt from David Batstone's book Not for Sale: The Return of the Global Slave Trade - and How We Can Fight It: We have arrived at a momentous stage in the struggle for human freedom. The curtain has gone up, and the future waits for what unfolds.
All of us wonder how we would have acted in the epic struggles of human history. Would we have stood up and been counted among the courageous and the just?
How would we have responded in 1942 when Nazi soldiers came to our door in pursuit of our Jewish neighbors? Would we have been the collaborator who reveals to the soldiers where the Jews on our block might be found? Or would we have played the role of the spectator who pleads ignorance, minding our own business and watching the drama unfold from our front room window? Or might we have dared to act as an advocate, giving our neighbors shelter in our attic or helping them escape across the border?
Would we have stood up and been counted among the just?
esther - by esterlyn
University Avenue in Minneapolis is the most widely prostituted street per capita in the whole nation. The Federal Bureau of Investigation identified Minneapolis as one of 13 cities with a high concentration of criminal enterprises promoting juvenile commercial sexual exploitation. The paint's peeling off the streets again and I drive and I close my eyes and I feel nothing, not brave. It's a hard day for breathing again.
But there is hope in the Lord.
bushed.
I would give my left arm to take a nap right now.and sleep for a day straight.
blessed are those who mourn.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort
than be comforted, to understand than to be
understood; to love than to be loved; for it is by
forgetting self that one finds; it is by forgiving that
one is forgiven; it is by dying that one awakens
to eternal life.
- St. Francis of Assisi
When all seems fairly lost and you are lower in spirit than ever before, invest in others...and your light will rise in the darkness [Isaiah 58:7-11].
forget [fer'get] verb - trans: fail to remember.
I bought a $1 mini grow-your-own flower pot kit of forget-me-nots a couple weeks ago. It came with this little pattie of soil that magically grows when you pour a couple tablespoons of water in the pot...it seriously was fascinating to watch. Brie and I just stared at it for like three minutes straight as the dirt bubbled and expanded. Anyway, so the directions said to put a maximum of ten seeds in the soil (I think this is because the roots would get tangled if there are any more than that)...but, since I had a great lack of faith in my flower-growing abilities, I dumped probably close to twenty in.
I think this may have been a poor decision. With great joy, I awoke yesterday morning to find fifteen little sprouts reaching towards the window. They were so fresh and green, I made Brie get off the couch and come look. I was so proud.
Good news: they look healthy. Bad news: I hope they don't all kill each other as they take over the pot. I'm going to need a babysitter for this plant over break (March 4-14) to mediate any possible quarreling, any takers?
put to sea.
Okay so this isn't anything terribly deep or weighty, but I just got this picture of a ship stuck in my mind the other day when I was thinking of my life. Ha that's a bit trite. I think this is a very normal reflection.
I have like three really important decisions that I find out about soon and will basically change the direction of my life a bit. I've been waiting on the Lord and putting my hope in Him, but that doesn't change the fact that when "it" doesn't go quite the way I planned, things get a little sticky.
Hence, my brainpicture of the ship.
When you are sailing straight forward, it's easy. You have momentum, you can plan ahead, everything is unwrinkled and effortless. But when you need to change direction (or the Lord decides that your life needs to change direction), it takes A LOT of effort to turn the obstinate wheel. It takes much strength, it's usually hard, you strain and sweat and muscles shake. But once you have turned and have begun the new course, the sailing is smooth.
The turning will probably be hard. It'll probably hurt a little. I'm a stubborn wheel.
But I believe the Lord's guidance...and that I'll end up where He wants me when it's done if I turn when He tells me to.
cool, lets do this.
come away.
"Come out from among them
and be seperate, says the Lord."
2 Corinthians 6:17
My beloved, you do not need to make your path, for I go before you. Yes, I will engineer circumstances on your behalf. I am your husband; I will protect you, care for you, and make full provision for you.
I know your need, and I am concerned for you: for your peace, for your health, for your strength. I cannot use a tired body, and you need to take time to renew your energies, both spiritual and physical. I am the God of battle, but I am also the One who said, "Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength" (Isaiah 40:31).
I will teach you, as I taught Moses on the back side of the desert, and as I taught Paul in Arabia. In the same way, I will teach you, and it will be a constructive period, not in any sense wasted time. Like the summer course to the schoolteacher, it is vital to you in order to become fully qualified for your ministry.
There is no virtue in activity in and of itself - nor in inactivity. I minister to you in solitude that you may minister Me to others as a spontaneous overflow of our communion. Never labor to serve, nor force opportunities. Set your heart to be at peace and to sit at My feet. Learn to be ready but not to be anxious. Learn to say "no" to human demands and to say "yes" to the call of the Spirit. These may sometimes be at variance. Do not be distressed by the misunderstanding of people. Let Me take care of them Myself. They too must learn this same important lesson, and you can help them by setting the example; but if you try to please them by answering every demand, you will both fall into the same snare.
I am a jealous God, and I am always at peace with Myself. I would have you also to be at peace with My Spirit within you. As you give Me My rightful place and do not allow others to intrude, you will be at peace with Me. Be very serious in this. I am not speaking to you lightly. I was never more earnest in any message I have brought to you. Do not fail Me. I have brought you this message at various times in the past. It was never more urgent then now.
For people are experienceing a new awakening, and they are searching for My Truth more than ever. I must speak through My prophets; and if they are not set apart for Me, how can I instruct them? Yes, I will nourish you by the brook as I nourished Elijah; and I will speak to you out of the bush as I spoke to Moses and reveal My glory on the hillside as I did to the shepherds.
Come away, My beloved; be like the doe on the mountains; and we will go down together to the gardens.
[frances roberts]
betel.
I miss our Betel kids. Every monday night, a bunch of us would go down to the park in the neighborhood adjacent to the Betel Spanish church in downtown Saint Paul and spend some time romping around the playground and open field with the kids. They are so beautiful and so curious about this 'Jesus.' I can't wait until next summer.
Diego reading his new Bible
Jaelyn, Aezhi, and I...watching the girls 'cheerlead'
Calia and Jaelyn
this present age.
Modern observations. I think we can all relate. 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Shirts get dirty. Socks gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 3. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 4. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk. 5. Do you remember when you were a kid playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft. 6. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it. 7. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text. 8. Was learning cursive really necessary? 9. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say". 10. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 11. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. 12. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? 13. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)...ummm...Goonies" 14. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 15. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. 16. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. 17. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 18. If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible. 19. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem.... 20. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection. 21. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to fall after leaning your chair back a little too far. 22. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. 23. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?' 24. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Crap!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? 25. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. 26. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. 27. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my life everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time.
Brought to you by the clever people at ruminations.com.
mankind.
I love people observing. (Understanding? Beholding?)
Like the boy who was burning something (I think) in a parking space outside Knutson and then randomly ran in a mad rush back into the dorms. And then back out. And then back in. And then back out to the parking lot. And then back in. I was going to roll down my window and ask him if he needed help, but we pulled away before he came out again. Weird? Maybe. Absorbing and entertaining? Yes.
Or when my confident physio professor meekly admitted that people have openly mocked him, his mannerisms, and beliefs before. And that it hurt. Didn't see that one coming.
Or the girl who sits towards the front of the class and always has a sweater, shirt, or otherwise falling off one shoulder revealing an alarming amount of tank tops layered beneath and a bit too much skin. I just want to help her out and zip her jacket closed every day.
I've noticed people on sidewalks have a lot of trouble maintaining or making eye contact. And then it gets real awkward when you sort of know the person but not really. I've found that being deliberate is the best bet...none of that hesitating stuff.
The shuttle drivers, security guards, and maintenance men at Northwestern could possibly be the sweetest, most pleasant people on campus. Especially the big, Russian security guard with the white, fu man chu mustache and the fur bomber hat. He's about four times my size, and he gave me a piece of candy yesterday when I got on the bus. No words...just handed it to me.
Some faces just look so lived in, so cultured and grounded in existence. I feel really safe with these people because they'll always know what to do.